Something I’ve been wanting to talk about for a while now is friendship. I’ve been waiting for the right moment and I feel like now is just a good a time as any.
Growing up I didn’t have a lot of friends. Partially because I grew up in a different state than the one I was born in. It was hard for me to maintain my friendships as a child as I was only 9 when I moved away. Where we moved there wasn’t a lot of kids and I felt it was hard to maintain the few I made since I still traveled home regularly. I remember being a little girl and praying every day for God to please give me a friend.
When I was about 13 I started to get really sad all the time. My sadness slowly developed into self harm, and eventually full on depression. I remember some of the friends I had telling me I was crazy, overreacting, and too much to be friends with.
When I was 15 I told my mom I was afraid for my life and I will never forget that day and how hard it was for all of us.
My therapist recommended getting involved with teenagers my own age. For the first time in a very long time I started making friends. Not knowing at the time the mental struggles I battled, relationships were still difficult. Incredibly I am still friends with many of them to this day.
Over the years I have learned a lot about myself and relationships. How to be a friend, things to do, not to do, general social interaction. Being diagnosed with Aspergers definitely helped me learn a lot about myself and why I was always socially awkward.
One of the most important things I learned was, in order to have a friend, you have to first be a friend.
What a huge lesson to learn! I remember when I was in my early 20’s I couldn’t figure out why nobody would hang out with me, invite me to things, or come to my parties. Eventually I asked why and was told because I work too much. Even though it’s a lame excuse to me, I did take note that I wasn’t investing in these people for them to want to be involved in my life. Since then I started taking time to invest in my friendships. I started calling people, checking in on them, being interested in their lives. I started to make a lot more friends and much easier.
I also had to go through a season on learning to be loved. I needed to learn that I can have friends and they can care for me. So many years I felt because I was different and people didn’t like me that I wasn’t allowed to have friends. I didn’t feel like I was worthy of another persons companionship. Learning to be loved is so very difficult and took a very long time for me. I remember telling myself, it’s ok, they are allowed to like you, let them.
Because of the hardships of my past I hold people way too close now. Every person who is in my life is a gift to me. The fact that someone took time out of their day for me is something I prayed for years to have. When I lose friends or people grow out of my life, it’s incredibly hard for me. I always point the finger at myself and question, what did I do wrong? Nothing, people change and that’s that. It’s still incredibly hard though.
I say all this because battling mental health is so incredibly hard. It’s so hard for people who don’t battle to understand what those that do are going through. It’s so hard when your walking this extremely rocky path alone.
People tell me all the time, if your depressed, call me. The problem here is I do. I have a system set in place when I have a depression/suicide episode. Step #1: call someone. The thing is I can’t make people answer their phone, talk to me, let me come over, or go to their house. I can’t tell you the countless amount of times I’ve gone to someone on the verge of a breakdown and been turned away. Thankfully, it’s been about a year since my last episode.
Athena comes into place here. She is my support when nobody else is. She’s my support when my husband is deployed and can’t get to me. She’s trained to know how to help me and be there for me if I find myself in a dark place. Athena has quickly become my support system, and best friend.
I have been working so hard on my friendships the last 2 years and I’m so overwhelmed with the love that has been poured into my life by people a few years ago I didn’t even know. I have created a small group of friend who are my “911 friends”. They are in a group message where if I need help, I KNOW one of them will answer.
Building support groups like this is so incredibly important when battling mental health. Having people there who can walk with you, support you, hold your hand, and wipe away your tears are what keeps you fighting when times get tough. I encourage you, if you battle with mental health, develop a system.
#1: know your signs and triggers
-learn yourself and know when you might be having an oncoming episode, or what triggers you have of an episode.
#2: build a support system
-family, friends, whoever your close to. Know who those people are and know that they have your back. Have them at the ready for when times get tough.
#3: don’t be afraid to ask for help
-being depressed or any mental health battle is nothing to be ashamed of. We at Athena’s Job are here to break the stigma that mental health is taboo. Be brave and allow people to love you.
Never ever forget,
Depression doesn’t have to kill you, fear doesn’t have to overtake you, and autism doesn’t have to limit you.
Thanks for reading
-Rebekah and Athena
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